leaving to live

12932999_1180189045325606_949584870504713989_n

Today was the first day of my last ten days in the CBD. The feelings I have are quite new to me: a mixture of both relief and sadness. There were times when I wanted time to move a little bit slower so the end would be delayed, but there are also times when I just want everything to be over and done with, so I need not feel confusion anymore.

12928378_1180188968658947_8258469210040728975_n

I am leaving because I no longer feel alive. I allowed myself to be turned into a cog that fits perfectly in a machine I knew I did not want to be part of. I have always had a soft spot for development work as I witnessed my mother dedicate decades to an INGO while I was growing up. This desire has transformed into a passion when I entered college and was nurtured by volunteering in an organization for street children. There is a more permanent sense of joy in doing work that transcends one’s own needs and helps advance a cause that is otherwise ignored: work that saves lives.

It was lovely while it lasted though. I met people, good ones as well as Regina George-types whom I thought only existed in movies. I learned that professionalism goes beyond politeness and diligence, and that it’s actually more about delivering beyond what is expected. I learned that performing well and liking what you do are not mutually exclusive, and there are more important things to take into consideration aside from how and what one feels.

However, I know it’s time to go, because I’ve been changed into someone I know I am not. And when we let ourselves be changed, we lose not only our distinctiveness, but also the little things that make us, who we are. For me that was photography, exploration, appreciation of the little things, being one with nature, spending time with my nanay, and being mindful of my health. For a while life revolved around chasing numbers, being relentless in the chase, winning the chase, needing to chase them again, and again. But for what purpose that has long-term implications?

12932987_1180189018658942_5538129519329106818_n

I had to leave because I was unhappy, and I could die any minute, and I cannot die unhappy. We are young, and driven, and full of energy. If our sense of self tells us that our success is different from what the world deems as successful, it’s okay. If our heart tells us that our success will not be found in the birthplace of wordly success, it really is okay.

The most noteworthy people are those who are stayed true to themselves despite opposition, judgement, and ridicule. The most noteworthy people are those who were relentless in their pursuit of an authentic life, despite all the difficulties that came their way. If we let ourselves become just cogs, cogs that look like every other cog, and can do what every other cog does, we become easily replaceable, for another cog of the same appearance and of the same abilities lay readily available at the next hardware store.

Ensure that you are happy, for at the end, you only have who you are. In my last ten days, I am both excited and scared, for the world is once again an unclear haze of possibility. But I know greater things will soon come, because it always does for those who chase greatness, and those who trust in His promises.

Photos taken using by BlackBerry Q10 (which broke, btw).

nope not dead no

Hi.

I’ve been gone for the longest time with nothing but the ‘hello’ post on this page. You see, what happened was

  • I got a corporate job 6 months ago.
  • I will be leaving the same corporate job in approximately 13 days.

and nothing remotely fun happened in that 6 months. My camera lay untouched for weeks, my hiking boots started to peel, bucket list items for the first quarter of the year remain unticked and my skin actually got fairer.

However,

like every other young adult (I assume) who was suddenly thrust into the real world from the (comparatively) safe arms of the university and liberal arts education, I learned a lot of things; one of the most important ones perhaps is that one can only survive without a creative outlet for so long.

So yeah, the hippie in a pixie is back.

And I can’t wait to share stories and friendships with you.

12241677_1095949997082845_8970208964169404523_n

 

Hello

My name is Daniella and I am never not happy and kind. Today I officially begin my journey as an online story-teller. In this blog you will find adventures (both near and far), photographs, poetry, musings, and attempts at art.

If this is the only post you see so far, please come back soon, I’m still working on the whole shebang.

If you see other posts and you’ve reached back this far in reading, let’s be friends.

I wish you a fantastic day!

IMG_9806la